Turning Towards the Dark

Photo © Melissa M. / The Torch and Key

The wheel is always turning, and in the Northern Hemisphere we find ourselves turning ever more towards the dark part of the year. The first harvest has passed, the days are slowly getting shorter with slightly later sunrises and slightly earlier sunsets, and I am now starting to notice leaves are already slowly changing (which is a little earlier than usual).

I recently visited a local orchard with my daughter to pick some fresh blackberries. The orchard / farm is enormous at almost 100 acres in size – with endless apple trees of every variety as far as the eye can see, and berry patches and brambles mixed in here and there. Soon pumpkins will be available for picking, and the corn maze will be set up for some autumn fun. The farm is so big, they have farm trolleys taking visitors to various parts of the farm to pick what they need. We hopped off our trolley, and I was soon lost in the task of picking blackberries. It was just my daughter and I with no other visitors, so we split up and I went down one row and she another.

The blackberry brambles were tall – at least a few feet taller than me and the rows were narrow, so I felt closed in and alone, and this solitude was a comforting feeling. I was so glad that there were no other visitors while we were there. I took this quiet time to still my mind while I picked, and this was something I sorely needed as my personal life is quite busy at the moment. Between caring for my husband and managing his medical care, preparing for a cousin’s wedding (happening in 2 days!), and helping my daughters complete last minute tasks before heading back to college, I am stretched pretty thin and “me time” is almost nonexistent.

Being able to go inward while picking berries allowed me to center and ground myself in a way that I haven’t been able to do in a while. It was just me, the blackberries, and the land. The time between Lammas and the Autumn Equinox is all about letting go, just as Demeter and Persephone are preparing for her descent at the Equinox. I took this time to think about how I wanted to move forward. These last few years have been challenging personally due to my husband’s deteriorating health and me finding myself caring for him and managing his extensive medical care. Now that we are in a sort of predictable – but busy – pattern, I am better able to manage my time and devote more to what I want to do for myself, rather than always putting everyone else first and taking bits of time here and there for myself when there was some to spare.

I made a promise to myself to make time for me, and to nurture and cultivate what will help me grow beyond who I am now. I will do just that, though how much time it will take is anyone’s guess. The phrase “know thyself” is something that I am always hearing in my brain, and that is one of my current tasks that I am making a priority.

I have been a devotee of Hekate for many years, and lately I have been feeling this primal urge to blaze a path for myself that I never would have dared to undertake before. I will always, always be there for my family. They are everything to me – that will never change. I feel I can better serve them if I am finally able to be true to myself, which I am trying to do. Transformation and change is never easy, and Hekate has been a guiding force in my life for many years – especially during times of vast change. Telling me to remember who I am.

The late summer / Autumn months are a time when we turn towards the dark. Turn inwards and nurture those seeds that have been planted, and allow them to germinate and grow in the fecundity of our soul. Persephone returns to the realm of the dead in September, tending to the departed souls who are preparing for their transition to a new life. This is a cycle that repeats itself, literally and metaphorically. With nature, and with our inner selves. We are also Persephone; preparing ourselves for what may come next as we cocoon ourselves and tend to our needs. Be still, and listen.

The photo at the top of the page was taken at the local apple orchard mentioned in the beginning of this post. As my daughter and I were walking back to the main part of the farm (we decided to skip the trolley ride back), we passed by a field of wildflowers with rows of colorful blooms. I spotted this bee buzzing from flower to flower, enjoying the nectar they provided. The sighting of this sacred bee was no coincidence, and a fitting end to our visit to the orchard. Bees are sacred, and in ancient Greece the Melissae was a title given to priestesses of Aphrodite, Demeter, and Artemis. Bees were often associated with Persephone and the Underworld. My birth name is Melissa, and my mother told me that she had a different name picked out for me before I was born, but Melissa is what I was named instead for reasons unknown to her. I now understand what forces were at play that early September morning, because I have always had a strong connection to bees and my spiritual practice and interests center around these goddesses in addition to Hekate. But that story, I think, would be suitable for another post.


© Melissa McNair / The Torch and Key

Hekate Phosphoros

One of Hekate’s roles is that of Phosphoros – “Lightbringer” or “Lightbearer”. Hekate’s torches illuminate that which is dark. She leads the way, torch in hand, for those who have heeded Her call to immerse themselves in Her mysteries. Hekate’s torches also illuminate Truth by banishing ignorance and fear that breeds in the dark. That illumination can sometimes be a difficult and life changing process. There is a saying among many Hekateans: “En Erebos Phos” – “In darkness, there is light”. Darkness cannot exist without light, and light cannot exist without darkness. For me,  Hekate Phosphoros embodies that concept.

On this Equinox and another turn of the wheel, we in the Northern Hemisphere are celebrating Spring and the ever-growing light as we progress to brighter and longer days. In the Southern Hemisphere, Autumn has descended and the days are growing shorter and darker. Wherever you are in the world, we are all experiencing that balance of light and dark in this moment. Hekate as Anima Mundi stands at the crossroads of the universe – a place of balance.

Photo © Melissa McNair / The Torch and Key

Today, I celebrated the return of Spring in a simple yet meaningful ritual. I made a beeswax candle using an ethically crafted beeswax sheet and rolled it up with dried organic lavender buds and a eco-friendly cotton wick. I decided to burn this candle completely in my mini cast iron cauldron, and I’m glad I did because once it neared the bottom, the sacred fire came alive, becoming enlarged and beautiful (see above photo). I sang praise to Hekate, honoring Her role as Phosphoros and Anima Mundi.

By the Light of the Moon

© Photo by Melissa M. / The Torch and Key

Once in a while, I revisit a favorite book and read it again for a renewed perspective. Recently, I decided to delve into “Drawing Down the Moon” by the late (and great) Margot Adler. I first read this book 14 years ago and it had a huge impact on me. Back then, I was beginning my “pagan awakening” and this book validated a lot of feelings I was having at the time and it helped me feel as if there were possibilities, and hope for my new journey into the unknown. It also was (and still is) an invaluable resource for learning about the rise of paganism in the United States. I decided to revisit this beloved book because I have been feeling a disconnect with myself and my path. I am not sure why, but I suspect “COVID fatigue” may be a factor. This has certainly been a challenging year for my family, as well as for countless others. It has impacted all of our lives in different, yet similar ways. I have this strong desire to get back to my  “pagan roots” – whatever that may be; and I figured this book is kind of where it began so it was a logical choice for a re-read.

One passage in the beginning of the book really struck me with a force of recognition and comfort, and it moved me enough to want to write about it. It was about the simple, fulfilling ritual of honoring the full moon. Here is the quote:

“Do it, perhaps, on a full moon, in a park or in the clearing of a wood. You don’t need any of the tools you will read about in books on the Craft. You need no special clothes, or lack of them. Perhaps you might make up a chant, a string of names of gods and goddesses who were loved and familiar to you from childhood myths, a simple string of names for earth and moon and stars, easily repeatable like a mantra.

And perhaps, as you say those familiar names and feel the earth and air, the moon appears a bit closer, and perhaps the wind rustling the leaves suddenly seems in rhythm with your own breathing. Or perhaps the chant seems louder and all the other sounds far away. Or perhaps the woods seem strangely noisy. Or unspeakably still. And perhaps the clear line that separates you from bird and tree and small lizards seems to melt. Whatever else, your relationship to the world of living nature changes. The Witch is the changer of definitions and relationships”

Reading this passage awakened something in me. When I first read this book all those years ago, I really didn’t know anything about magic or ritual or what tools were best used. I was a beginner and had just set foot on a path that was completely unknown to me. I was an avid reader at first (I still am!) and I devoured any book I could get my hands on that interested me. I began with the often recommended titles from Scott Cunningham, Raymond Buckland, Starhawk, etc. My practice eventually evolved into Hellenic polytheistic worship with Hekate as my goddess and guide. But one thing that always worked for me over the years and stirred my soul like no other was the simple practice mentioned in the excerpt above. Of course, I performed formal rituals when needed. But most of the time, my rituals were wild, unscripted, and under the night sky.

I love stepping outside when the sky is dark and the stars are twinkling. The moon may or may not be in the sky, depending on the phase. That first look at the night sky always takes my breath away. I love to gaze at the stars, imagining what they look like up close and if they communicate with each other. The wonder of it all is awe-inspiring to me. We on Earth are but a grain of sand in a vast, infinite universe where the possibilities are endless.

After being out there for a little while, I begin to focus. My breathing becomes steady and measured. My third eye awakens, and my body begins to tingle. Often, the words roll off my tongue and flows like a river. I lift my arms in praise of nature,  the moon and stars. I sing a song of love and wonder. I don’t often plan ahead any of the words I speak. They are raw and spontaneous and honest. Sometimes I don’t “feel” in control; the words are coming out of my mouth but I often feel like a vessel or an oracle.

As I speak, the tingle in my body that I felt earlier grows stronger until my whole body is humming with energy. I can feel the energy shift within myself and my surroundings. The sky grows darker, and the moon and stars grow brighter. The creatures of the night may increase their sounds or become still and silent, depending on the time of year. In the winter, there aren’t many animals out in the cold nights. I live in northern New York, and our winters are cold and snowy. I may hear the distant call of an owl during the winter, or a wolf howling. During the summer it’s different. There is a small pond just beyond my backyard, and it is often alive with creatures when it’s warm out. The chatter of the frogs can become very intense, as does the snapping turtles and Canadian geese. Sometimes a soft breeze will rustle the tree limbs of the massive oaks and maples that fill my backyard, whispering their secrets. Lightning bugs will be visible, sometimes dozens at once, when it’s really hot. When this happens, it feels like these wondrous creatures are joining in my chorus of praise. It is an amazing, unifying feeling, and I feel a kinship with the land and those that share it with me.

Whenever I am singing my song of praise and wonder, I acknowledge those creature sounds as the goddess making her presence known. Especially if it was silent before I began. I always get chills down my spine when I am speaking praise of Hekate in the still, silent night and a wolf begins howling in the distance. Sometimes, I will see a shooting star as I am chanting.

When these informal, raw moments occur it is just me and nature. I don’t light a candle, or use any tools or burn incense. I stand barefoot on the earth and ground myself, and I always touch the ground when I am finished and return that energy I raised to the earth. Often, my dreams that night may be very vivid and I keep a dream journal to record them.

Reading that excerpt from “Drawing Down the Moon” inspired me to share my experiences with bare-bones rituals that can be done literally anywhere and any time you are moved to do so. Connecting to nature this way is so raw and primal and empowering and at the same time intimate. I hope that you may be moved to try this as well whenever the opportunity presents itself.

☆☆☆


Source:

Adler, Margot. “Drawing Down the Moon: Revised and Expanded Edition”. Penguin Books. 2006.

Autumn Equinox 2020: Trying to Find Balance in an Unbalanced World

“The Leaf Charmer” by Martin Eager

Today is September 22, 2020, and once again the Autumn Equinox is upon us. I love the changing of the seasons; I am blessed to live in an area where these changes are very much felt and seen. Autumn is my favorite time of year; it marks the beginning of the Season of the Witch. I love observing nature’s changes during this time: frosty mornings, leaves changing colors, squirrels hoarding acorns, spiders spinning their massive webs outside… my love for this time of year is endless.

The Equinox is the seasonal tide that brings balance, and reflection. We are reaping the last of our harvests from the summer growing season, and preparing for the winter ahead. Our own backyard vegetable garden actually saw it’s last harvest about a week ago, and we are prepping for what may be a long, cold winter here in Upstate New York. Today is a balance of light and dark, and I eagerly await the longer nights and shorter days. I love cocooning myself in the dark and nurturing my inner self. Samhain marks the Witches New Year, and today’s ever important seasonal change before then is a day for reflection on the days past. We traditionally use this time to look back on the last several months and celebrate and give thanks for our blessings, and we mourn what we lost. We try to balance those energies and feelings in order to harmonize ourselves and use those energies in the coming year.

The events of this year thus far has thrown the world into UNbalance, and right now I am feeling anything but balanced. I’m sure many feel the same. COVID took over the world, and threw us into a state of fear, despair, and hopelessness. We saw millions fall ill, nearly 1 million tragically die worldwide, millions more economically impacted by the pandemic. However, what we also saw were countless heroes in our communities helping anyone they were able to help whether it was financial or health assistance, or some form of community outreach. My own community formed groups to help homebound/vulnerable people go grocery shopping or otherwise help them with daily tasks that they were unable to do on their own. We saw birthday parades for children in our town, drive through graduation celebrations for our high school and college graduates. I spent much time searching for positive news stories during this dark time and learned that communities across the US and abroad came together in very similar ways and it was very uplifting to my soul.

Here in the U.S., we are in the middle of a volatile presidential election season. I have never witnessed anything like this in my life. We are literally fighting for the soul of this nation right now, and the stress of this fight is sometimes too much to bear. I fear for our future. The Trump administration has systematically destroyed our democracy and rule of law by bypassing checks and balances within our own government that is supposed to protect this nation from an UNbalance of Power. With the devastating death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg a few days ago, the stakes were raised exponentially and we are now in a fight for our lives. The future of health care, women’s rights, LGBTQ rights are in the crosshairs. A third Trump-appointed Supreme Court Justice threatens to undo much of the progress this nation has made in the aforementioned areas.

My resolve to fight has only grown stronger. My daughters and son have also taken up this fight for our nation. My older daughter will be a first-time voter this year, and I cannot wait to take her to her first presidential election to cast her ballot for our country’s future. We will be voting in person together.

The turmoil of this election season is unlike anything I’ve seen, and I am trying to find balance. It’s not easy, but, I am discovering that it can be done. I’m learning to take my anger, stress, and grief and transmute those emotions into a force for positive change. Social media is one tool for wider community outreach, but nothing beats getting out in your community and engaging with people in your area. I’ve learned that our youth is very invested in this election, and they are our future. They are so intelligent and engaged and seeing their passion gives me hope. As many of us witnessed the complete lack of accountability in our governing body & Department of Justice with regards to rampant corruption in the office of the President, we must collectively take up this fight and mobilize every American who is able to vote and hope that our efforts will be successful.

🗝

In the midst of all this, I am always ever reminded that Hekate is a Goddess of Transformation and Change. She is there, facilitating and observing. It is very difficult for a devotee of Hekate to not be politically engaged, especially now in these tumultuous times. Human rights are always at the forefront. Being a voice for the voiceless. Being an Ally. Being an advocate for those who are unable to take up their fight by themselves. Fighting for what is fair and just, taking special care of those that society deems “unworthy” due to their own prejudices. Sometimes, “tearing that shit down” is the only way forward.

🗝

En Erebos Phos,

Melissa